Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
