I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Can Purell be used as lube?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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