I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
