Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
