she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
