I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
