i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
