Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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