Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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