omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't turn off my feet"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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