She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
