So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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