You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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