At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
