somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
