youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
