Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You took a bar mat shot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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