I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
