i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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