I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
