My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
