it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
