My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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