Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
