I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
