If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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