I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
