Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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