evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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