YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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