What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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