called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
