Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
