she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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