just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
even my farts smell like vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
