I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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