Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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