whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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