Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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