i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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