It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
