please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
