3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
