It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
