I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
