you would pick up someone in the library
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
