There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why do cheetos always look like penises
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
