My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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