the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
