I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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