the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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