Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
