It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
