mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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