The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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