Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
